‘Chivalry is dead!’ is probably one of the most prolific female mantras of the 21st century. Medieval ideas of what men and should and should not have dominated the silver screen and literature alike and have made it increasingly difficult and confusing for the modern man to measure his mettle. Courage, honour, courtesy, justice and charity are a dish well served with a pinch modern day reality. Men no longer parade around in skinny tights in gangs of merry men, nor do we wield crude weapons or hide in Trojan horses and peril battle all for the sake of a woman. However, that does not necessarily mean that men have absolutely nothing to live for, and this is where women get us all wrong. There is no standard definition of a man, but no matter a mans creed or calling, the universally accepted standard is that a man be metered by his character and not by whether or not he pulls out a chair for you. Throwing jackets over puddles beats logic, and that is perhaps the difference now. Men have gotten smarter. Men have learnt to weigh risk and benefit, which has become of untold value and saved us messy situations and even lives, the kind of insight Romeo would have perhaps wished he had before he insulted common sense.
The real meaning of chivalry has been lost in translation and distorted in interpretation and has forced men to live up to fairy tale scripts and poetic prose. Telling men that chivalry is dead really waters down romanticism and leaves many lads wondering whether they should take you out for a nice candlelit dinner on the beach or fight in an army of 300-strong. The dawn of the independent woman has proved to be the final nail in the coffin of the chivalrous few. For these women, any display of decency is an obscenity. They can buy their own dinners and paint their own ceilings, their not scared of spiders and forget pilates, judo is the craze. They would probably conceive their own children if they could. They have cultured a generation of men afraid to dazzle a woman the old-fashioned way like their fathers had taught them forcing them to assume a more aggressive, and almost cutthroat business-like stance to relationships. What ever happened to the damsels in distress and ladies in red?
Many people believe that money has become the able replacement for chivalry with the added advantage of taking half the effort and not nearly as much time as a good deed would take you in this era. This greatly unlevels the playing field for the gallant few and tips the scale largely in favour of the big spender rather than the decorated sweet talker who a century ago would have been odds on favourite for fair lady.
Wise men the world over have over the years come up with the winning formula that samples the best of both worlds but remains to be clearly defined. They call themselves gentlemen. I could never wrap my finger around how words gentle and man could be used in the same noun; it defies almost everything you learn growing up around boys and negates everything you pick up listening to ladies. its a cross between French poodle and British bulldog, a balance between the finest of wines and the most robust of rums. Its another name for chivalry ladies, its not dead, it just goes by a different name.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
How not to predict an election in a very pissed off country!
With political temperatures at an all time high, statistical analysts are having a field day reporting their findings and swaying the multitudes to different political allegiances at will. Long before the Steadman polls and long after them, women had, and continue to take statistical analysis to the next level especially when it comes to men. A woman will always have in her posy, a designated steadwoman. Her Steadwoman will evaluate all the men interested in her and feed her an opinion based on her findings. Using a steadwoman has the advantage of being very objective and not influenced by emotion, it presents fact.
Sticklers for detail, they can judge a miss or a hit from a mile away by just looking at his swagger and step. From what you wear from head to toe to how far back your hairline recedes they seem to rank men on a scale of one to ten and give a final grade and proceed to judge suitability. So, if you thought that a great shirt, musky cologne and a credit card were all you needed to woo the gorgeous damsel across the room, then you have another thing coming. More often than not, we get away with just that, but that is because the male population scores poorly on these polls, leaving very little to separate one man from the next, that’s where attention to detail comes in handy.
Fortunately, achieving an average score is pretty simple, because women are more superficial than they claim to be. An average score gives you license to approach and about 5seconds to plead your case, used wisely, 5 seconds could get you a shot at continuous assessment over coffee, or if you are really… what’s that word? ‘Committed’, a couple of kids. Rumour has it; the first place a woman looks is at your shoes, which is a polite way of figuring out your shoe size, followed by a thorough full body screening which with good grooming and decent genes any worthy gentleman should breeze through. If so far, you’re not doing so well, conversation is the real money shot and here, entertainment is the name of the game at getting yourself a decent score.
After the steadwoman has put you through all the paces, she tallies her results and compares them to other potential contenders and then she avails the findings to her girlfriend. Suffice to say, the results are often surprisingly accurate but in keeping with women, often grossly exaggerated for extra spice. With hard facts now at her disposable, she is left with the unenviable task of factoring in all the emotions and mushy stuff and choosing her favourite candidate.
the steadwomans job doesn’t end there once her friend is in a stable relationship, she’s the one who keeps tabs on the unassuming man, keeping her ear to the streets, watching his every move and issuing progress reports. This is the most probable reason why we are always caught; we spend all our time covering our tracks from the wrong person. The successful career of a steadwoman hangs on the moment when she can say ‘I told you so!’They are the devil in the details, they are every mans worst enemy, but with the all the right moves, can be a cunning mans most important ally.
Sticklers for detail, they can judge a miss or a hit from a mile away by just looking at his swagger and step. From what you wear from head to toe to how far back your hairline recedes they seem to rank men on a scale of one to ten and give a final grade and proceed to judge suitability. So, if you thought that a great shirt, musky cologne and a credit card were all you needed to woo the gorgeous damsel across the room, then you have another thing coming. More often than not, we get away with just that, but that is because the male population scores poorly on these polls, leaving very little to separate one man from the next, that’s where attention to detail comes in handy.
Fortunately, achieving an average score is pretty simple, because women are more superficial than they claim to be. An average score gives you license to approach and about 5seconds to plead your case, used wisely, 5 seconds could get you a shot at continuous assessment over coffee, or if you are really… what’s that word? ‘Committed’, a couple of kids. Rumour has it; the first place a woman looks is at your shoes, which is a polite way of figuring out your shoe size, followed by a thorough full body screening which with good grooming and decent genes any worthy gentleman should breeze through. If so far, you’re not doing so well, conversation is the real money shot and here, entertainment is the name of the game at getting yourself a decent score.
After the steadwoman has put you through all the paces, she tallies her results and compares them to other potential contenders and then she avails the findings to her girlfriend. Suffice to say, the results are often surprisingly accurate but in keeping with women, often grossly exaggerated for extra spice. With hard facts now at her disposable, she is left with the unenviable task of factoring in all the emotions and mushy stuff and choosing her favourite candidate.
the steadwomans job doesn’t end there once her friend is in a stable relationship, she’s the one who keeps tabs on the unassuming man, keeping her ear to the streets, watching his every move and issuing progress reports. This is the most probable reason why we are always caught; we spend all our time covering our tracks from the wrong person. The successful career of a steadwoman hangs on the moment when she can say ‘I told you so!’They are the devil in the details, they are every mans worst enemy, but with the all the right moves, can be a cunning mans most important ally.
"And the record shows,i took my blows and did it...My way!"
A fundamental flaw that I have recently found to exist in most relationships is that everybody wants to dictate their own terms.. Partners end up complaining that they do not feel they are getting what they want out of the relationship. It is always about want I want from this and never about what I could give.
Having two opposing views of what they consider love, becomes more and more evident after the infatuation passes buy and time begins to take its toll on the perishable values that the 21st century now consider criteria for a lasting relationship. Different notions of love have contributed to relationships becoming like businesses where one symbol of affection is traded for another failure to which, the partnership is no longer sustainable.
I realized however, that perhaps this trend dates much further back than I had first realized. I say this because, since time immemorial men have had what many consider an implosive emotional nature that handicaps their ability to give and makes them more adept to taking. On the other hand, women, like the popular lyric goes, are like our mothers, just to demanding despite being emotionally explosive. When the two meet, a situation arises where each adopts the selfish stance of them wanting what they deserve from a relationship. It is fair for everyone to know what he or she want out of a relationship and it is just as fair for them to demand it, but the status quo right now is that people are demanding more and more. If you are going to demand more of your partner, it is only within the province of wisdom that you give just as much if not more.
I appreciate the fact that for some, it reaches a time when you can only continue giving so much at which point the writing is on the wall, and the relationship eventually takes its natural course. Normally, the fatigue sets in and we try less and less until we reach a stalemate after which it is only a matter of who dares blink first. It is called good old-fashioned dating. However, it is important to remember that the real fight is in giving just a little extra each time so long as it is worth it and here lies the unconditionality of love.
With the month of love just around the corner, and every woman on high alert for the slightest hint of romance, it is probably a good time for men out there to sharpen their giving skills and for women to show some appreciation. Love is not something that should be stuffed down peoples throats; it is something that is taught. When we learn it from one another, we are less likely to get it wrong, so teach and be taught, only then can we love and let live.
Having two opposing views of what they consider love, becomes more and more evident after the infatuation passes buy and time begins to take its toll on the perishable values that the 21st century now consider criteria for a lasting relationship. Different notions of love have contributed to relationships becoming like businesses where one symbol of affection is traded for another failure to which, the partnership is no longer sustainable.
I realized however, that perhaps this trend dates much further back than I had first realized. I say this because, since time immemorial men have had what many consider an implosive emotional nature that handicaps their ability to give and makes them more adept to taking. On the other hand, women, like the popular lyric goes, are like our mothers, just to demanding despite being emotionally explosive. When the two meet, a situation arises where each adopts the selfish stance of them wanting what they deserve from a relationship. It is fair for everyone to know what he or she want out of a relationship and it is just as fair for them to demand it, but the status quo right now is that people are demanding more and more. If you are going to demand more of your partner, it is only within the province of wisdom that you give just as much if not more.
I appreciate the fact that for some, it reaches a time when you can only continue giving so much at which point the writing is on the wall, and the relationship eventually takes its natural course. Normally, the fatigue sets in and we try less and less until we reach a stalemate after which it is only a matter of who dares blink first. It is called good old-fashioned dating. However, it is important to remember that the real fight is in giving just a little extra each time so long as it is worth it and here lies the unconditionality of love.
With the month of love just around the corner, and every woman on high alert for the slightest hint of romance, it is probably a good time for men out there to sharpen their giving skills and for women to show some appreciation. Love is not something that should be stuffed down peoples throats; it is something that is taught. When we learn it from one another, we are less likely to get it wrong, so teach and be taught, only then can we love and let live.
Damn it! She took the first left on memory lane again!!
For those of you fortunate to still in the dating game, you can relate to the turbulent continuity or rough transition that bridges the gap between one botched relationship and the next. It is in the simplistic nature of all men, to travel light from one to the next, to savour the sweet and salute the sour goodbye, at least theoretically. Practically, clean breaks from the past are a far cry from the reality of women scorned and hearts torn, and of course the occasional illegitimate child, all of which, save for childbirth, any real man worth his salt would be capable of handling. Women, on the other hand, shuffle from one relationship to the next with the burden of past experience resting squarely on their not so broad shoulders. It is unfair, not to mention extremely difficult to put your best foot forward in a relationship when you are always being compared to your predecessor. Being accused of crimes you didn’t commit and anniversaries you haven’t yet missed is just ridiculous.
It is understandable, and in my opinion good practice for a woman to set certain standards as far as male company goes, it weeds out losers and puts that little extra thrill in the chase. However, it does not make sense for a woman, having made her choice, to turn around and blame the poor lad for the mistakes of her ex. In a time where relationships are beginning to accommodate professional ethics, a bare minimum of ‘benefit of doubt’ should not be too much to ask for. Women who stay tethered to past relationships leave even men with the best intentions slaving hard for credibility they already merit. It is cruel that they should have to spend every dying minute proving that they do not have the flaws you expected of them.
You probably were hurt, you probably were treated badly, you probably were in pain, but for heavens sake forget who hurt you and remember that it has absolutely nothing to do with person who now, like your ex, refuses to let you read his text messages or answer his phone calls. It isn’t that he has something to hide; it is that he expects you to have no reason to want to seek. A little trust and blind love within the confines of sound reason can go a long way towards easing the strain on a relationship, all it takes is an appreciation and preparation for the worst possible outcome. I mean, why pick a fight when there is none to be had? Is it so hard to believe that some people are just different? Different was perhaps the reason you ventured there in the first place. Furthermore, it pays poor tribute to your own qualities the minute you take that first left on memory lane and drive down the boulevard of broken dreams every you time you so much as suspect a hair out of place. Every man deserves a fair trial.
Having to anticipate your mans' every move and find fault where none exists is tantamount to paranoia. Benefit of hindsight and chronically raised suspicion is what some may argue constitutes a solid defense for a heart broken one to many times, but if I may be allowed a word of advice; you are better off having a good offence. So instead of having to read into your mans’ every move, why not try and be his every move.
It is understandable, and in my opinion good practice for a woman to set certain standards as far as male company goes, it weeds out losers and puts that little extra thrill in the chase. However, it does not make sense for a woman, having made her choice, to turn around and blame the poor lad for the mistakes of her ex. In a time where relationships are beginning to accommodate professional ethics, a bare minimum of ‘benefit of doubt’ should not be too much to ask for. Women who stay tethered to past relationships leave even men with the best intentions slaving hard for credibility they already merit. It is cruel that they should have to spend every dying minute proving that they do not have the flaws you expected of them.
You probably were hurt, you probably were treated badly, you probably were in pain, but for heavens sake forget who hurt you and remember that it has absolutely nothing to do with person who now, like your ex, refuses to let you read his text messages or answer his phone calls. It isn’t that he has something to hide; it is that he expects you to have no reason to want to seek. A little trust and blind love within the confines of sound reason can go a long way towards easing the strain on a relationship, all it takes is an appreciation and preparation for the worst possible outcome. I mean, why pick a fight when there is none to be had? Is it so hard to believe that some people are just different? Different was perhaps the reason you ventured there in the first place. Furthermore, it pays poor tribute to your own qualities the minute you take that first left on memory lane and drive down the boulevard of broken dreams every you time you so much as suspect a hair out of place. Every man deserves a fair trial.
Having to anticipate your mans' every move and find fault where none exists is tantamount to paranoia. Benefit of hindsight and chronically raised suspicion is what some may argue constitutes a solid defense for a heart broken one to many times, but if I may be allowed a word of advice; you are better off having a good offence. So instead of having to read into your mans’ every move, why not try and be his every move.
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